i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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