lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
