see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize