Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
