Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
