and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
