I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
