First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
