There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize