I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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