My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
