just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
