If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
