You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
