Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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