my mouth tastes like poor choices
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
