Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize