I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
