when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
