Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
