D3 body, D1 cock
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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