you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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