I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
