cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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