4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
