I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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