Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize