It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
