I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
