Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
