I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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