dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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