you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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