She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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