Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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