Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You took a bar mat shot.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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