Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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