dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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