just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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