At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
