The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
