kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
