Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
