FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
