We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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