I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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