Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
