I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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