I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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