rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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