What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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