my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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