When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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