All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
