That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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