I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
