I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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