Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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