it hurts more in the daytime
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
