i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
