Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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