I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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