did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
