My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
