Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
