Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
