Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize